| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2009|02:10 pm] |
I have a really big decision to make. i'm torn.
It looks like he's buying the castle. It's from 1564.
Now here's what's selling me:
Rooms are rented out to tourists. My dad wants to expand and make it more of a hotspot. He wants to turn the top floor into some kind of private lounge/club for guests who are willing to pay for a key to get into the top floor room.
This seems like a really cool idea, and i'm so into administrating a club and coming up with ideas for it. I've already been thinking of stuff. Like a jazz band at night, piano player during the day, open bar (mayybbe), waiters-waitresses, pool table, a balcony, etc.
How cool would it be to administer that?
I even have other ideas for the entire ideas for the rest of the place. A restaurant? How effin cool would that be. Something other than German cuisine of course. I hate German food. Hahah.
I just realized how much of a hotel this would become..
And on top of that, i'd have my own apartment in the castle. I'd be getting payed and i'd be living there for free. My schooling would be free. I'd have my car. The castle is only like 30 minutes away from Denmark. I could go to school in Jylland or in Germany. And i'd finally have a dog! The castle has horses too and there's a cat too.
Okay, so here's the twist. My dad's little twist..
He wants to hire men and women prostitutes, that i guess would be classy ones to hang out in the top floor club. So it would be some kind of brothel?? I don't want to be apart of that.
I know it's legal in Germany but if it's a brothel, what kind of tourist place would that be? Some kind of sketchy little castle. Fuck that.
Maybe i can talk him out of that... So we could turn it into a family friendly hotel for the summer. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2009|02:09 pm] |
You're hung up on your glory days because people are forgetting your name.
I can't decide which one i think you like more. Being loved or being feared.
Fuck those people that you called friends. People to get high with and the
one's that tell you you're so beautiful. I told you that everyday. Where's my
place with you now?
You're a junkie, but you're off the stuff. You're addicted to reaction; you're
addicted to attention. Anything that makes you feel better. Why aren't you
addicted to me anymore?
You're aggressive but you're gentle. Boiling hot and freezing cold. I kept up
with your temperatures. You're temperaments. Hold me so i'll stop shaking.
But let go when it's convenient for you.
I'm malleable, so beat me down. I'll contort to your liking. I won't complain
because you were the most beautiful thing that happened to me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2007|12:25 am] |
I'm going on set next Thursday. I'm so fucking excited!
I have to drive all the way out to Whittier. But lunch is catered!
Now that's the life.
EDIT: It was the most amazing thing in the worrrrllldddd. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2007|10:35 pm] |
Dear Diary,
People suck.
This is probably the worst summer that i've ever had. All i do is work, sweat, smell and feel crappy.
Probably the only thing that has cheered me up is this:
Work isn't too bad. The people are fine and everything, it just sucks that my feet hurt at the end of the day and that my sleeping patterns are fucked up. After work I've been going to Lindsey's for some boring kickbacks. It's just nice to spend time with her. So I've been getting home around 1 and staying up until 3 and then waking up at five and staying half asleep the rest of the morning only to wake up and go back to work. It's a cycle.
Auntie Vicky moved out, so now i have a bigger room and my own bathroom. She smoked so the walls are pretty nasty. I have a day off tomorrow so Lindsey and i are going to wash the walls tomorrow. I picked out colors that coordinate with each other, but i'm still in that picky process of elimination. So far I have gray, blue, orange and white. I'm still not sure if i'll use two or three colors. Maybe i'll just have a heavy accent with curtains and bed stuff instead. Who knows?
I'm really excited about this room.
After Lindsey and I clean, we're going to watch But I'm a Cheerleader again. She ordered Seasons one and two of The L Word; we're excited about having a marathon.
After that, i'm hoping that this girl i've been asking out will finally actually go out with me. She's still not sure if she can and it's always disappointing when she can't, but i guess that's all part of the process.
I bought a fish tank to put in my room. It's a nice sized one. I need a few more things like a filter and some other stuff. I wish i could borrow them, but i'll probably be buying them with my next paycheck. I've spent most of this paycheck already, which was nice. I spent the whole day shopping with Morgan, we had A LOT of fun that day. Met a crazy girl that's been calling me. And i don't mean crazy in a joking around way, i mean seriously crazy. She took my phone from me, dialed her number and saved my number on her phone. But, the crazy girls need love too, so i humor her and talk to her when she calls.
I've been shopping online at Target.com for some cute (& cheap) stuff to put in my room. I found some real great stuff. I don't feel like uploading images for them now, but maybe another time? Just trust me, they're cute.
I'm throwing everything away in my old bedroom, except for my bed and my clothes. I'm starting all over. How refreshing.
Recently, i've really been aching for Denmark. My friends and my family. I think that's another reason why this summer sucks. It's all new to me.
I miss gallivanting through the city at 2 in the morning, coming home at 4 with the sun coming up from some cheap karaoke bar. Fuck California summer. I miss Copenhagen.
Another sucky thing: my car was broken into last night and some of my shit was stolen. I hate to accuse but a lot of evidence points to those kids that hang out down the street. Maybe i'm just venting though and i feel like i need someone to blame. Either way, it sucks.
I was even looking for a new (used) car online this weekend. I'm dying to own a Scion xB. I'm making it a resolution of mine that that is my next car. The cheapest used one's that i've found are around6 to 7 thousand. Not too bad. Depending on details of course. So, let's see how that works out.
Hmm...let's see..what else sucks.. People suck. I forgot about people. One person particularly sucks because she says she doesn't want me in her life any more and then she calls me back tonight and offers me some money from her paycheck because she's stressed that i'm stressed. I don't understand her.
Some one else who doesn't necessarily suck is this one girl that i've been talking to, who actually goes to my school. I know i haven't been imagining it, but she flirts with me online, but when i see her in person, she gives me awkward hugs and she seems very reflective in the sense that i can't see through her. All i see is my pathetic attempts to get to know her better.
It also sucked that Lydia couldn't come down this summer. That got built up and didn't happen. I'm not mad at her though, just at the cost of airfare.
More people suck but this is getting very long.
I have some good news, it's not all bad.
I visited Michael in June. I had a great time and in fact, i really miss the feeling of being there. At first, it was probably one of the scariest things that i've felt. As soon as i was going to bed at about 4 in the morning in Portland after his sister picked my up at the airport, his mother called and told us to rush to the hospital in Redmond, i think. It's about a 3 hour drive but Sara handled it in about 2. So we got there about 7:30 in the morning. Michael had been throwing up and seizing that night. So things were looking extremely bad.
One thing's for sure, i was not prepared for what i saw when i walked up to that hospital bed. Micheal's entire body is swollen, i hardly even recognized him. Our entire lives he's been really skinny, but when i saw him, he looked like a big chubby chipmunk. His mom calls him a gold fish.
It was hard seeing him hooked up to all that stuff as if he was actually dying. Which they though he was going to die that day, so they released him so he could die at home i guess. But it was so hard at first seeing him like that. He was shaking and he wasn't responding to well, from what i know. I tried talking to him about anything i could that was hard because i felt like i was boring him and he was trying to rest. So i sat there and spoke to him and rubbed his incredibly soft fuzzy head.
So after he spent that whole day resting, everything went great the last few days. He seemed to recover very well and all of a sudden he was back to his normal self. He may look different, but he still has those small ears, those light blue eyes,his gap and that bittersweet smile.
Plus, it's always great to go visit because i get to see everyone like, Maggie, and his family. Also, i always have a three hour ride with Sara to bond and stuff. It's always strange going there for me at first because i feel like i'm useless and i'm not quite sure that i'm important enough to be around, but i always get reassured some how that i'm only imagining that these past 8 years have created a void, and in fact, i'm still that little girl who looked like a boy and made him cry. After all, Michael's the only boy i've bathed with that wasn't my brother. Now that's a bond.
Other really, extremely cool news. I made friends with one of the instructors from my film class and i was talking about the script i was writing with her and we started talking about how i was interested in interning. She mentioned that she would let me come to set with her one day. (She works behind the scenes on the show South of Nowhere. Awesoooome.) So i got really excited.
And not too recently, she commented me on myspace about it and said that some time soon, i could go to set with her. I think they're filming season 3 right now.
She also mentioned that i could help her on this short film she's doing this summer. I'm pretty excited about that too. I'm going to call her tomorrow. She takes a while to respond to myspace stuff and i really want this to happen.
I've been looking into the LA Film school in Hollywood, they're sending a packet in the mail right now.
So, since this is an extremely long post, i won't go on any more. And i'm sorry if i poisoned your friends page, but i haven't used this in a while so i don't remember how to do that code to put it behind a link. You can delete me as a friend if you want. I'm kind of pointless. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|10:42 pm] |
Man, it was super hot today.
Okay, so Matt asked this girl (a friend of mine) who i really fucking like, to hang out and see a movie today. Just the two of them. He's done the same thing a bunch of times with Lindsey. And he tells me not to come over when they're hanging out. So i feel like "FUCK YOU, these are my friends you little fuck." He even had the nerve to tell me "Nicole is straight Martine" but he has this big straight crush on Lindsey who's gay, and he STILL asks her out, even though she's uncomfortable hanging out with him when i'm not around.He pissed me off so bad today.
SO, anyway, forget that.
I saw Jenny's butt today and got her mascara on my shirt and jacket. Poor thing. She sang beautifully today at her performance but she thought she did bad. Hah.
My mom got a job! And it's like 1 minute away from our house. Literally.
I've been doing my homework lately. I'm not going to screw this year up anymore. I hope. Next year, fuck language, i'm taking art. An easy A.
Lot's of things have been going on, but everything seems really slow none-the-less. Anyway, here's a picture from my birthday party: |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|10:48 pm] |
Marteeeeen: i love my "life style"
synthwrr: it's like a disease though
------
synthwrr: gay people have like 10 times the number of sex partners
synthwrr: and a lot of the time, especially for guys, they dont' even know the person
synthwrr: relationships last for shorter periods
Marteeeeen: what the fuck does the church know about being gay?
synthwrr: that's all i remember
Marteeeeen: seriously
synthwrr: i dunno, but they've got good evidence
Marteeeeen: straight women sleep around just as much
synthwrr: hahah plenty enough of the priests are gay, so they'd know something, huh?
Marteeeeen: that's not funny
-----------
Marteeeeen: a disease, Rose? seriously?
Marteeeeen: an illness?
synthwrr: it makes sense
Marteeeeen: that's so ridiculous
synthwrr: im sorry, but it makes more sense, considering everything i know
synthwrr: considering myself
synthwrr: considering you
Marteeeeen: me???
synthwrr: and every gay kid i know,, which the above sums up
synthwrr: well you said you were in therapy for what? 8 years?
synthwrr: im sorry
synthwrr: dont' be mad
Marteeeeen: yeah, therapy because my parents devorced and i have certain anger issues and other stuff that has nothing to do with being gay
synthwrr: everything has to do with everything
----------------
Marteeeeen: you're so wrong about me
synthwrr: im not judging you in a bad way at *all*
Marteeeeen: but you think i'm sick
Marteeeeen: that makes sense
----------------
synthwrr: i think that if it's really bad to like somebody of your own sex, then yeah, you're doing something bad
synthwrr: and tell me why it isn't bad
synthwrr: because girls are radiant?
synthwrr: i know exactly what you're saying
Marteeeeen: you're fucking judging me now
Marteeeeen: what the hell
Marteeeeen: you think my only arguement is because i think women are beautiful
She does NOT know what she's gotten herself into.
OH. And the birthday party went well. Pictures later, maybe. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2007|09:12 pm] |
Hahaha, a baaaaadddd picture.
News:
-Catherine was date raped.
-I'm having a birthday party for once.
-People are spending the night!!!
-Finals are coming up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|03:30 pm] |
Yesterday while I was at Lindsey's house, her neighbor brought a truck load of snow back and we all had a big snow ball fight. It was a lot of fun.
Here is a picture from ( Yosemite. ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2006|07:48 am] |
I'm leaving around 9:00 (in about 2 hours) to go to the mountains with Ben. I'm kind of excited. I haven't seen any snow in a long time and I haven't been gone from the house for more than a weekend. I'll be back on Tuesday. But then Kayla's going to New York on Friday.
I'm so greatful for this mini vacation. I'm so sick of this atmosphere that's been following me around. Things seems to keep going wrong. It's such a downer.
Good news:
+I noticed that my mom and i get along better when my grades are okay.
+My birthday is coming up and I'm thinking about having a party, and even better, have people spend the night. I've never experienced a slumber party and i think it's about time.
+I might be getting a job as a payed councelor at a summer camp this year. Supposedly my friend got over 1,000 last year. I hope that doesn't fall through.
+I'm leaving for four days.
+I got this awesome ethnic cook book and an energy drink book. Pretty excited about them.
And I can't think of much else.
Bad news:
-Everyone has cancer.
-My grades are slipping.
-Still no insurance and probably none until my dad comes out here in February.
-I won't be seeing Jasmine, Laetizia, or Laura this summer.
-I still can't read girl's minds.
-I'm super broke.
-So is my mom
-We have no laundry soap.
-My LEGO watch broke. =(
-Too many people live in this house especially since there's no food, it's so small, and we are out-occupying the amount of bedrooms.
-My good, expensive headphones aren't working =( =(
-My laptop is still broken. =( =( =(
-I have no idea where Campbell is and what's going on with her.
Well, I won't go on any further. But maybe I'll have some more good news to post on Tuesday, and maybe some pictures too.
Enjoy your weekend. |
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| I'm so fucking lost. |
[Nov. 25th, 2006|07:16 am] |
I had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep. That's the second one this week.
This really sucks.
I have so much on my mind; and there's no way to get it off my chest. Even that hand written journal doesn't help because everything I write seems forced or doesn't have any energy and therefore lacks how i'm really feeling. Sometimes.
It's hard pushing yourself in a certain direction when you don't know what you want. Or maybe I do know what I want.
I can tell I'm stressed out since my skin's peeling again. |
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| Good news and bad news. |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|08:41 am] |
Good news first:
I had a pretty good day yesterday. Spent it all with Kayla.
Hopefully today will be good too, if not, even better. It's about time that things should start looking up. I hope i'm not jinxing it.
So anyway, the bad thing that i claimed had happened did not work out, which is relieving. Because it dealt with death and i have too many broken hearts than I can handle. So it turns out that she won't be dying but she will be in juvi for about a year and a half. So this is kind of good news.
In other bad news, my baby cousin is in the hospital too now because he's been having some bad seizures and they don't know what's wrong with him. I'm praying for him too now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|11:54 pm] |
Shit, the LAPD are on their way to my house and they want to talk to me about Cammy.
What a fucked up day. I can't catch a fucking break. I'm so emotionally drained and it sucks having no one to talk to. I need a fucking friend right now. How the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight with so much shit on my mind? And since Cammy was here I didn't finish my paper, which is still no excuse because I could've started earlier. And by the time the police get here it will be probably close to one and i won't be in bed until later, and then on top of that i'll have another few hours of restlessness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|02:56 pm] |
Cunnnt Face: Martine.
Cunnnt Face: I need help.
Cunnnt Face: Can I take a bus to your house?
So, Cammy's coming over. Wow.
EDIT:Cammy is sleeping right now, some crazy shit went down supposedly and I don't know what to do. And she says she has no where to go so now we have to figure something out.
ANOTHER EDIT:Cammy supposedly had a concussion so i had to try and keep her awake and she took about 1500 mg of ibuprofin and hadn't eaten anything in a while so she was knocked out. Fuck. More added stress.
I've forgotten how fun things can be when I'm not grounded. I also forgot how tough it is starting over with a new person. But I've especially forgotten how it feels to be important or needed. I guess I'm still struggling with certain things and i need to bring back my confidence and self assurance.
So anyways, junior retreat was okay. Forgot a sleeping bag and shared a bunk with the cutest girl in our class; Rose was super jealous.
Here's the band:
here's a recent picture:
SECOND EDIT: I'm feeling a little better now.
FOURTH EDIT: I take ^that^ back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|05:54 pm] |
Had a mild freak-out today.
But everything is still where it was the day before. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|09:35 pm] |
It seems too late to move to Denmark. And of course, what used to be holding me back seems so ridiculous now. It's all relative though, it's not like i can escape how i'm feeling no matter what country i'm in. Things are going to suck either way.
drummer1234drum: time makes things better
Marteeeeen: god i hope so
Marteeeeen: it's just hard to wait for things to get better
Marteeeeen: when it hurts right now
I just want to wake up tomorrow with my perfect house, my awesome job, sweet car and beautiful wife. Cut all the teenage angst bullshit from my life.
But who knows, maybe all of this is some sort of karma that i deserve..
The thing is that i'm not just hurting, but i'm also mad as hell.
Well i have so much to complain about, but i'll end it at this.
I hope everyone else is enjoying themselves. |
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| fuck. |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|05:10 am] |
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I want to crawl into a fucking hole and sleep for the next ten years. |
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kaerlihed's journal
